We just returned from a trip to the mall with my mother. She wanted to take the girls to buy small gifts for a post Christmas thing – no problem. We headed into Marshall’s, one of her favorite stores, to look around.
My only stipulation was no Barbies, because they just got a set of ten for Christmas, and nothing with little pieces, because of the baby. Kendall found a toy almost right away. She is still pretty content with just about anything you give her.
Carleigh looked, and looked, and looked some more, but everything she wanted I said no to. Towards the end I told her to just wait and go with grandma another day, to another store to find something. Does that not make sense?? Why settle for something, just to get something, than to get something you really really want?
She threw the biggest tantrum she has ever thrown. EVER!
photo by Jill GreenbergScreaming, “I hate you! I don’t like this family! I want to run away!”
Did I mention in the middle of the freaking store?? You know, where people are watching and I can’t do anything but calmly tell her to stop it, so not to have CPS called on me.
This went on for about 10 minutes, as she continued to argue with me over why she couldn’t just get a toy NOW. I stood my ground and told her, “My answer is no, and you’re not going to change my mind about it.” Trying to reason with a five year old is like asking an elephant to walk quietly, it’s just now going to happen.
My mom being there, encouraged Carleigh to say how she wanted to live with her instead, and not me.
She’s five, I get that, but damn it really hits you in the chest when your child is telling you all these awful things.
Play time was cut short because of her fit in the store, so immediately we headed back to the car. But boy was she not done yet. She insisted on ending our trip with yet another, not quite as bad, but horrible tantrum in the car.
Where she SCREAMED at me!
I wanted to beat her butt right then and there. I didn’t, and she is lucky for that.
I really thought it would be years before I heard such awful and hurtful things from her. I KNOW she doesn’t truly mean it, but it still stings.
About Hanan Webster
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I know it sucks, doesn’t it. My son will turn 4 in April & I’ve heard some awful things out of him lately, like: “There’s no school today? You mean I have to stay here with you people?” “You’re mean. Just go away! You’re a mean mean Mommy”. (He said that in the middle of the grocery store the other day). To top it all off his Dad joked with him and called him something like a poopmonger.. and now every other minute he says “poop butt.” & all sorts of stuff that really irks me after the 100th time. I’ve been trying to ride out his terrible two’s for almost 3 freakin’ years now! LOL. Hang in there :)
Monica recent post: Make Dinner Easy With Perdue Oven-Ready Products
Oh man, does it ever really end?
Argh, my son will be 5 in April! Not 4. That’s what happens when you try to type with 3 kids hovering around you.
Monica recent post: Make Dinner Easy With Perdue Oven-Ready Products
The worst one my older daughter ever said was; “Stop. You’re HURTING me!” because she didn’t want to get into her car seat. She is now eighteen and apologizes constantly for what she put me through. ;)
I told my mom, I completely understand now…and we’re not even to the teens yet! God help me!!
Ouch! You are totally right about how reasoning with a 5 year old is like trying to get an elephant to walk quietly. Great analogy. And yeah, she doesn’t really KNOW what she is saying, but I’m sure it hurt your feelings nonetheless. I’m sorry you had to go through that…and so publicly too.
My daughter has yet to say those words to me, but I know they are coming…I just hope it isn’t any time soon.
LeeAnn recent post: Breakfast With Santa At The Peabody Orlando
Kinsley is three and said this to me once (well twice but I will get to that). The first time she said it, I talked to her about what it meant and how it made me feel. I told her she can she is mad or a variety of other ways to express her unhappiness but saying you hate someone is not ok.
She did well until last week. She was upset and said the three little words. I hate you. I looked at her and in my stern mama voice, said “what. did. you. say.”.
Her response “Well, I love you but I REALLY DON’T WANT TO RIGHT NOW”.
Don’t take it personally mama. Just talk to her about the ways you love each other when she is calm and hopefully she will remember them next time she is upset.
p.s there is a freaking Marshall’s in Spokane and I didn’t know it?!?!?!?!?!
Melanie Johnson recent post: Boca Java Coffee {review & giveaway}
We constantly remind her that we don’t use the word “hate”, for anything, but I need to work with her on the “I am feeling ___________, because you did ___________.” instead.
In Northtown Mall!
they know it hurts,thats why they do it ,so you would go an melt an give her what she wants,,good for you for standing your ground,after a fit like that I wouldnt let her go back another day an get a toy,,she has to learn not to do that,an as a retired nurse an a mom of 6 grown kids an 11 grandkids,ive seen it all
Keep your chin up, glad to see you stood firm on your decision on not letting her get a toy that day. She will learn that you are not going to cave in and things will get better.
Hi!
I’m new to your blog but this story really hit home for me! First of all, I feel your pain and I’m so sorry this happened to you, especially in public. Yikes! As the mother of a special needs 5 year old, I get all kinds of things! My daughter has a speech processing problem but she is very good at memorizing scripts. So, one day in the parking lot when I was trying to get her in the car, she started yelling the script from Tangled when Rapunzel is telling her mom that she is not her real mom and she’s never going to use her hair again, etc. All of these people were looking at us like I was trying to kidnap her and of course she couldn’t say, “this is my mom.” It was awful! So, I know how you feel! Luckily, most of those people have a similar story!
Love your blog and will be visiting often!
Amy
Amy Van Horn recent post: Giveaway!!-New Year, New Giveaway!
I think your incident tops mine. That would be so hard to deal with, especially nowadays.
Also, thank you & welcome!!
I hate when my little guys say that. Really it is my oldest that does it and he has autism so he has trouble dealing with his anger. It can be hard for him to not say mean things.
Maryann recent post: Pear Salsa WW Points 1
Ugh, right to the heart. I said that to my own mom one time only, got slapped in the face for it and never said it again. (not that I would suggest doing that, but it’s just how it was back then). As a mom, I now know how much it hurt her when my own daughter said it to me.
Cat Davis recent post: Teen Time Cravebox Review | Mary Kay – Pantene – Schick & More #Cravebox
You know that’s funny, because today when we were at the store she started acting up. An older lady walked by and said to Carleigh, your mom is being nice, because if you were my daughter, you would be in much more trouble!! It’s so true too. Nowadays, people look at you like your a bad parent for spanking, or punishing your child, but back then that’s how they did it, and it worked!